Player to Be Named Now

Player to Be Named Now, Wiseguy Season One, Episode Fifteen. According to TV.com it first aired on January 25, 1988.

HERE is the Wikipedia Entry. A quick background of the show.

Ken Wahl plays Vinnie Terranova, a deep-cover agent for the OCB, a part of the FBI. He did some prison time to help with his cover. Terranova uses his cover to gain the confidence of big-time mobsters and criminals to help bring them down from the inside.

This show was the first that I remember using arcs within the show. Terranova would spend half the season going after one organization, spend a couple episodes regrouping, and use the second half of the season to go after another organization or crime boss.

Player to Be Named Now was from the second half of season one and is early in the Mel Profitt arc. Profitt, the bad guy, was played by Kevin Spacey. He played Mel as a manic-depressive/paranoid/crazed criminal genius with his hands in drugs, guns, and just about everything else.

This episode showed Mel Profitt at his highest high and his lowest low and baseball was what did it to him.

The show opens with Vinnie and Roger Lococco (played by William Russ) searching the lower decks of Mel's yacht for a bomb. Roger tells Vinnie that Mel orders him to search the boat for bombs, but nothing ever turns up...until tonight. A suspicious package turns out to be just an empty box with a note in it from Mel about adrenaline being the nectar of the gods.

Vinnie is back at his hotel room at 4am and there is a knock at the door. It is Mel wearing a Yankee hat, carrying a ball and two baseball bats, and asks Vinnie if he wants to go hit a few at a cage he knows. In response to the excuse that it's 4am and the place is closed Mel answers that he bribed a guy $10,000 for the cage to be open.

The cage turns out to be BC Place in Vancouver. I'd post pictures of Vinnie and Mel in the most horrible baseball uniforms this side of the SWING of the Quad Cities, but I can't figure out how to do that from the DVD to the computer.

Vinnie hits a few out of the park, impresses Mel's sister, and reveals that he was a catcher for his American Legion team. Mel admits that he didn't get to play organized ball and his swing shows it. Mel is either not making contact or fouling the ball into the top of the cage.

Susan, Mel's sister (who is played by Joan Severance), heads to the car to wait and this is when Mel springs the surprise on Vinnie. He is buying an American League expansion baseball team from a business partner. The expansion team is supposed to go into Sacramento, but Mel is going to buy BC Place and move the Sacramento team to Vancouver. The real reason Mel wants to but the team is that he thinks he will get to play.

Think Mel would like to do the radio, too? I wouldn't stand in his way, especially after he tears up his hotel room with a baseball bat after catching Vinnie and Susan together.

Vinnie meets with the FBI to figure out if the owner of Sacramento (Jon Polito as Eddie Van Platt) is dirty and how they can get him to turn on Mel.

Later in the episode, Mel is sketching on a pad while going over how to get the team away from Van Platt and he snaps about treachery and selfishness. His mood lightens as he receives and inside stock tip and shows off his designs for the uniforms of his team. Susan likes the pinstripes. So does Mel. Then, Mel asks and answers the following question, "Do you know why the Yankees wear them [pinstripes]?" "Because Babe Ruth got fat! The owner knew that if you put a fat man in pinstripes he's gonna look thinner." I'll have to remember to ask for pinstriped staff shirts for the 2007 season.

Baseball takes a backseat for a bit, but Roger has one of the best lines in the episode. He solves a Rubik's Cube; looks at his watch; screams out, "Eight minutes, Forty Seconds! PATHETIC!" and breaks the cube by throwing it hard on the table.

After a little arson of a Van Platt property with Roger, Vinnie is back at Mel's as Mel is modeling the latest pinstripe uniforms of the Sacramento American League franchise. Why is it Sacramento. If he is moving the team to Vancouver, shouldn't it have, you know, Vancouver on the front? Then, Mel throws out the idea of having spring training in Santa Fe, New Mexico. I'm beginning to think that Mel Profitt would not make a very good baseball owner.

Vinnie learns that Van Platt either used to own or still owns a baseball team in Mexico. Somehow, Van Platt used the team to smuggle Mel's cocaine into the US. (How? Don't ask. It's TV.) There was a falling out between Mel and Van Platt and that business relationship ended. Now, Mel is going to get revenge on Van Platt.

Van Platt tells Mel that he was smooth with the owners and is going to build the largest domed stadium in the country, 75,000 seats.

Hold it RIGHT THERE! He's going to build a 75,000 seat domed stadium? For baseball? In Sacramento? Sacramento, California. I know that it's only TV, but come on! I don't think the Eddie Van Platt has done the proper market research into what the people of California's capital city want in a baseball stadium.

Next, there is this memorable exchange:

MEL: Are you going to put the dope in the bats like the old days?
VAN PLATT: What? Are you kidding me? This is Major League Baseball. 100% legitimate. At the Winter Meetings, I'm going to be sitting next to Steinbrenner.
MEL: I want it. I want your team. Fill in any number you want, Eddie.
[VAN PLATT writes a figure into a blank check Mel give him]
MEL: $2,400?
VAN PLATT: You just bought yourself two season box seats. See you at the ballpark.

I have GOT to try this at the next sales meeting. Season tickets for the Rattlers would skyrocket!

Later in the episode:

MEL: Did you reconsider my offer for the team? Would $10 million be a fair price?
VAN PLATT: That wouldn't even cover the balls and bats.
MEL: Alright, 20 then.
VAN PLATT: You're wasting your time Mel. The team is not for sale.

Mel tries to sweeten the deal by tossing in a player to be named now, a woman from the party. Can I just say, "Stay classy, Mel Profitt."?

Lifeguard is an important character on Wiseguy. He provides key points of information at crucial times. Like this little nugget that is relayed to Vinnies FBI handlers:

"In the last year and a half, the manager and four players [on Van Platt's team] have been arrested [by Mexican Federales] for transportation [of drugs] with intent."

Don't you think that maybe, three guys, all of whom probably follow baseball and criminals, would have heard about the dope smuggling baseball team before now?

That was more of a time killer in the episode because Van Platt returns from his break and turns down Mel's deal. In fact he feels even less like selling the team now. In fact, Eddie wouldn't sell for $30 million or $50 million. "The last thing I need is your money."

Famous. Last. Words.

Mel now lays out what he has done to financially ruin Van Platt. The arson caused a $3 million loss and the insurance company won't pay; casinos in Las Vegas and Reno are calling in Van Platt's markers -- another $3 million; and the stock tip that he received is about a contract being cancelled for a company that Van Platt is almost exclusively margined with in his portfolio. All of this will result in a loss of $96 million!?!?

WHOA! No diversification? I'm really doubting the intelligence of these criminal masterminds.

Mel is going to make an offer for about $5 million -- maybe $6 million -- for the team. Geez, that won't get you a decent leftfielder nowadays.

So, Mel gets what he wants and now he snaps on the woman he gave to Eddie and demands that Vinnie kill the woman. Mel fires a few shots off from his revolver, misses, and in a dead, toneless voice he says, "I'm tired. I'm very tired. I'm gonna go to sleep now." and leaves the room.

What an exit. Maybe I'll try that at the end of the next sales appointment.

In the show wrap-up, Vinnie's OCB handlers mention that they picked up Van Platt. He can't wait to testify against Mel and is being processed through witness protection. Now, the twist:

"Did you read the sports page? Listen to this. 'International Financier Melvin Profitt bid to purchase the new Sacramento franchise of the American League was rejected by a committee of team owners. Those who could be reached for comment cited Profitt's lifestyle, which they felt might cast doubt on the integrity of the game."

I always thought the end of this episode was one of the great endings of all time. Mel is in bed with the covers up to his head and says this to Susan, "Don't let the light in, Susie. I want it to be dark. I want it to be dark forever."

Then, he pulls the covers all the way over his head.

Fade to black.