That is my less than clever -- or hackneyed -- way of introducing the show this week as The Flintstones and the season four episode Big League Freddie. The following picture is not from the episode. It is a postage stamp from St. Vincent, but it sets the stage for the episode. I wonder if the designers know anything about baseball or the show. Thy have Barney as a left-handed catcher and Dino throwing the ball with his short arms instead of with his tail.
The show opens with Fred taking batting practice from Dino and slamming rocks over the fence into Barney's hammock. Barney happens to be trying to relax in the hammock but is buried in baserocks.
Barney asks Fred why he is taking BP. Fred responds that he is getting ready for the big game. The Cave Construction Company Championship between Fred's Bedrock Quarry team and Petrie's Petrified Lumberyard. Fred also wants to make sure that he looks good in front of Casey Strangle, the manager of the Boulder City Giants, and his #1 scout Leo Ferocious.
Quick aside: Man, I loved The Flintstones and their celebrities, Ann-Margrock, Cary Granite, Casey Strangle, Leo Ferocious.
Fred thinks that Strangle and Ferocious will be so impressed with his baseball skills that it won't be long before he is playing at Candlestone Park.
Dino is out as the pitcher and suddenly, Fred has a regulation mound in his backyard with Barney ready to pitch to him. Barney says that Fred needs to get ready for his "Out-drop, in-shoot, knuckler, slider, slowball, dipsy-doodle, curve, spitball, up-shoot, (DEEP BREATH) palmball, fastball, waste pitch, smokey Pete, beanball, nickel curve...and up-drop."
Of course, Fred takes this opportunity to lean on his bat while he waits for Barney to just throw the darn ball. That's when Barney throws the pitch and knocks the bat out from supporting Fred. That leads to a merry chase with Fred trying to bash Barney's brains in with the bat. Oddly, that didn't happen.
Back to BP. Barney is tossing BP from a lawn chair and Fred's new helper at the Quarry enters the yard to work out with Fred. That new helpers name: Roger Marble. (Roger Maris. Get it?!?!)
Roger is the sub for Fred on the company team. Fred doesn't point that out or be patronizing in anyway to Roger Marble. Then, Fred gets the idea to pitch BP to Roger and gives him the tip to just meet the ball.
Roger sends the first pitch back at Fred's head. Fred avoids decapitation and the ball knocks down four trees.
Barney's impressed. Fred wants to move on to pop flies. Roger hits one into the stratosphere and Fred takes the ball off his head for one of those cartoon lumps.
Next up is sliding practice. Fred is catching and Roger is heading home from third. Roger applies a blatantly illegal drop kick to knock Fred off the plate. However, Barney calls the guy he just met safe. (What the heck kind of friendship did Fred and Barney have anyway?)
Fred cries uncle by saying that is enough practice for now.
Fred heads inside and tells Pebbles, Betty, and Wilma his major league dream. It's so obvious that he is going to make it to the majors. After all, who was the number one ball player at Bedrock High?
Barney guesses Windy McShale? Stan Gravel? That's when Betty takes Barney home, but not before Barney gets off a parting shot that Fred should warm up his vocal cords because the big stars all do commercials.
Without thinking (which seems to be a main plot device on The Flintstones) Fred pretends to do a hair tonic commercial in the bathroom. He carelessly pours a bottle of something on his hair. Not until after he gets his hands stuck in his hair does he realize that bottle contained Sure-Grip Household Cement. (Who keeps that in the bathroom medicine cabinet?)
Looks like Freddie is out for the game. Nope. Wilma and Henry, the water faucet, get the hands unstuck. The dream lives!
Next scene is Candlestone Park (The Giants rented their stadium out for a Constrcution Company League game? Even in pre-history owners were looking for new revenue streams.)and the radio announcer sets the stage for the game. (Radio announcer for a Cave Construction Company League Game? Would this have been on ESPN 8, The Ocho?)
Mr. Slate, the manager of the team and boss of the company, is in the locker room to give the Quarry boys a pep talk. It boils down to "If you lose the game, your being out of work tomorrow will have nothing to do with that."
Warren Spindle (Warren Spahn!) is the pitcher for the Petrie's Petrified Lumberyard and he will face the lead-off hitter for the Bedrock Quarry, Fred Flintstone. (Fred, a lead-off hitter? I've always doubted Mr. Slate's business skills, I mean he keeps rehiring Fred back after getting rid of him. But, here is absolute proof of his lack of baseball acumen. Fred is a #5 or #6 hitter. No way should he be leading off! Visit my other website: FIREMRSLATE.COM for more on this idiot and the way that he is ruining of the proud baseball tradition that once was Bedrock Quarry.)
In the stands, Wilma calls for her man to get a touchdown. Betty corrects her. A man sitting next to Wilma says to "Throw the bum out."
Fred does what any good leadoff batter does and takes a strike. The fact that he didn't even see it has nothing to do with the fact. Fred is tuned up for Spindle's fast ball, but two straight "sneak" pitches fool Flintstone and he goes down swinging.
As Lindsay Nelson used to say, "We move ahead in the action." to the bottom of the second with Sandy Stoneaxe (Koufax! Get it!?!? Geez!) pitching for the Quarry and he is facing Lumberyard's second baseman, Pee Wee Rocks (Reese! See!? It's funny!!!!!)
Rocks hits a liner right at Fred. Fred is over-confident and takes it right off the head. Fred's heckler makes one too many cracks about him and Wilma cracks the heckler over the head with her purse in a move that would make Ruth Buzzi famous.
Roger Marble gets the call, but doesn't have his uniform. Slate tells him to put on Fred's. (See where this is going?)
Strangle and Ferocious show up late as the game is just heading to the top of the fourth. The two remember how they discovered Mickey Mountain (Mantle! Genius!!!). Throwing rocks at dinosaurs.
Now, Spindle must have been perfect through the first three innings, because Roger Marble is leading off the top of the fourth. The announcer completely misses the fact that Fred is out of the game and just says the Number 7 is batting. (Hey, it can happen. Although there probably would have been a bigger deal of Marble coming into the game as a defensive replacement in the bottom of the second. Plus, somebody on the Lumberyard might have tested him with a bunt or something.)
Marble crushes the first pitch of the inning for a home run and the scouts are impressed with this #7, this Flintstone.
In the bottom of the fifth Mickey Rockran (Mickey Cochrane! HA!) is batting and sends a liner ticketed for the leftfield corner. Marble makes a leaping grab and continues to impress the scouts.
Marble approaches the plate in the top of the seventh to the cheers of the crowd and is now referred to by the radio announcer as "Old Spark Plug #7." Marble crushes another home run into the dinosaur that is serving as a ladder for the monkey-operated scoreboard. (That is a line that could only be typed in a Flintstones recap or in Jurassic Park IV)
Later that day, Fred is at home; feeling down for not playing well and getting hurt. The fact that Marble played spectacular baseball is little comfort.
That's when Strangle and Ferocious ring the doorbell at the Flintstone house. (Sorry, the monkey-operated doorbell)
They ask to see Wilma's son. Wilma straightens them out about that fact. (That was the thing about Wilma Slaghoople-Flintstone. She brooked no nonsense, um, once she found out about it.)
Strangle and Ferocious are confused because Fred looked younger, taller, and better looking on the field. Ferocious says, "Oh, well. Looks never won a pennant."
They need to sign the guy who hit three homers and made all those great plays in the field. Fred begins ask what they are talking about. Then, he pretends to be Roger. Wilma wants him to be honest, but Fred signs the contract with the Boulder City Giants.
Fred takes the contract over to the Rubbles to brag. "It's a rock-clad agreement. They have to pay me whether I play or not. YABBA-DABBA DOOOOOOO!" The Rubbles aren't impressed and slam the door on Fred. While Fred was getting the cold shoulder from the Rubbles, Wilma locked him out of the house. Doesn't she understand. He is only doing this for her and Pebbles. She suggests the Dino Hotel for the night. Dino has none of that and slams that door to his house on Fred.
This only makes Fred madder and says that they will all change their mind when he is a big leaguer.
But, it was Fred who changes his mind first. All it took to change Fred's mind was Pebbles calling him bad. (That was about the only word that I understood from Pebbles in this whole episode)
Fred heads down to the Boulder City Giants office to tell the truth and break the contract.
The next scene has the Flintstones and the Rubbles at Candlestone Park to cheer on Roger Marble. Roger hits a home run for the people he's know for maybe two weeks. and Fred lets out another "YABBA -DABBA DOOOO!"
The episode ends with Fred reading from the sports section that the Rock Bay Pachyderms (I have no idea what team this is supposed to be. Anyone? Anyone?) will be holding their pro football tryouts next week. Fred was the greatest halfback at Bedrock High after all and so what if the baseball thing didn't work out. The football thing has to work!
Wilma locks Fred in a closet and won't let him out until he comes to his senses or grows up.
The thing to remember about Fred is that he tries to do the wrong thing or take a shortcut for the right reason. In the end though, he is a man about it, admits his mistake, and makes things right.
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