Yankees:
For Novices: World Series drought, Alex Rodriguez in the playoffs, Derek Jeter's defense, payroll, Chien-Ming Wang's name
For Veterans: Jaret Wright, David Ortiz and/or Dave Roberts, Ronan Tynan's ears, Jeff Karstens' jaw, parasitic fan base, Jay Buhner trade, The Double
Avoid Mentioning: Recent success, historical success, Arthur Rhodes
A's:
For Novices: godawful stadium in a godawful neighborhood, cheap owners, Eric Chavez's alleged "stardom", inability to win in the playoffs, Joe Blanton's circumference
For Veterans: Nick Swisher's porn staritude, crappy attendance, past incidents of bleacher racism, jackbag drummers in the outfield who need to shut up for one G-- d---- second because Jesus quit it it's impossible to f------ concentrate
Avoid Mentioning: Recent success, trades, head-to-head season series results.
Blue Jays:
N/A; there are no Blue Jays fans, only Blue Jays players
National League:
For Novices: The National League sucks
For Veterans: The National League sucks
Avoid Mentioning: Recent success
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