Point-Counterpoint with Camels

Rattler Radio begins a new feature today. Our very own meteorological ungulates have been asked to take opposite sides in a completely contrived topic that may or may not be of interest to anyone. Facts are not welcome here.

Today's topic: Apples vs. Oranges

A+ for Apples by Carl, the Rain-Hating Camel

Greetings, Rattler Radio readers. There is nothing I like more that sinking my teeth into a nice, crunchy -- yet, juicy -- apple. It doesn't matter if it's a Red Delicious, McIntosh, Gala, Cortland, Granny Smith, Golden Delicious, or any of the other amazing varieties of that sweet fruit. Turn me loose in an orchard any day of the week and twice on Wednesday. Apples are good tasting and good for you.

Oranges? Don't make me laugh. Ever hear of Mom's Home-made Orange Pie? What kind of America Hater doesn't like Apple Pie? Brick, that's who.

Orange Juice? Blech. There is more pulp in a paper mill than in a glass of that stuff. Now, a good glass of Apple Juice. Refreshing.

Orange Peels? Nothing like making it almost impossible to get to the actual edible part of the fruit. Apples? Ready to eat right off the tree.

Apples are also a food of the people. Johnny Appleseed made his way throughout the Midwest planting Apple trees wherever he went. Orange groves are off in some distant location on the fringes of the country. You may as well get a banana.

It's not 'An orange a day' that keeps the doctor away. Apples help you live longer. Oranges will kill you. It's not me saying this...It's science!

In closing, no child ever presented a teacher with an orange. Think of the children, they could teach us a few things about life and the proper selection of a terrific


Orange You Glad for Oranges by Brick the Bad Weather-Hating Bactrian

Has there ever been a more perfect delivery system of Vitamin C than the Orange? Brick didn't think so.

Apples are, quite simply, evil. What fruit did the serpent get Adam and Eve to eat in the Garden of Eden? Kiwi? Peach? No, it started with an 'A'...Avocado? No! Wait! Apple! That's it! And you remember who the serpent was?....That's right...The Devil. Enjoy the official fruit of Hell, Carl.

You can count on Brick's humps the number of things that Brick likes, but the clean, citrusy smell of an orange is one of those things.

And what's wrong with a little work to get at something as tasty as an Orange? Nothing. Plus, try this little experiment. If you can stomach it, take a few bites out of an apple. Then, peel an orange and have a few slices, if you can stop at a few. Walk away and come back in a few minutes. Which one of those fruits is starting to turn a little brown? That's right. The devil's fruit.

Apples corrupt the young. Children use Apples as a gift for teachers? Try Bribe for the teacher and you'll be a little closer to the truth.

Speaking of truth, the only time an apple is somewhat good is when it is not in its original form. Coated in caramel, baked in a pie, squashed into juice, or mixed into a butter. Somewhat palatable, yet, still from the same evil produce.

One orange and all its vitamin goodness have done more to combat disease and starvation than the demon red fruit.

In closing, Apples, bad. Oranges, good.

Thank you, Carl. Thank you, Brick. Insightful and vengeful points all around.

Oddly, as video proof of both their points of view, Carl and Brick both submitted this 1975 Sunkist orange television commercial.



Tune in next time for another edition of Point-Counterpoint with Camels.