One in-stadium upgrade

One of the glories of working in minor league baseball is the opportunity to try out different food items and food delievry systems before they go out to our fans.

People! I have seen the future of Nacho Cheese dispensers! I have seen it! And! It! Is! Good!

Timber Rattlers fans, I give you the FuNacho!




Click for a larger, cheesier image...If you dare.

This seems like a good Saturday post

Have you ever wanted to pick out the name of an ice cream?

The Timber Rattlers and Cedar Crest have a poll for you!

There is a flavor of ice cream that is a mixture of caramel, peanuts, and chocolate. But, it doesn't have a name.

Head over here and vote for one of the four selections. Problem solved.

The choices are:

Rattler Warning Tracks
Fang's Triple Play
Fang's Snake Bites
Timber Rattlers Mound Mix

Mmmmmm...Mound Mix. Sorry. I'm supposed to be objective and not have a favorite.

Does it really need to be topped?

Apparently, the West Michigan Whitecaps didn't get enough publicity with the Fifth Third Burger last season.

Now, they're asking for food ideas from fans.

The West Michigan Whitecaps have always been known for serving some unique food items at their concessions stands (Deep Fried Twinkies, anyone?), and now, they're asking the public for help.

The Whitecaps are soliciting original ideas for new food items to be served at Fifth Third Ballpark this season. Starting Wednesday, January 20, fans can submit online their ideas and thoughts regarding what new food items they would like to see served at Fifth Third Ballpark this summer.

Here are some of the items they have served in the past:

Deep-Fried Twinkies, Caesar Salads, Deep-Fried Pepsi, Apple Cider Floats and the Fifth Third Burger, which garnered international attention with its debut last season and will remain on the menu in 2010.

The first two times I read that list I added the phrase Deep-Fried before Caesar Salads....Hmmmmm...I think I have my submission for the Whitecaps.

I just need to work out the details of the Deep-Fried Caesar Salad.

How to handle this?

Thanks to KLSnow from Brew Crew Ball for sending this one along.

It's a link that heads over to the blog of minor leaguer Garrett Broshius.

He -- Broshuis -- takes note of a fan chat with the new GM that the Toronto Blue Jays are increasing the road per diem for their minor league players from $20/day to $25/day.

The reasoning is to allow players to make healthy selections when dining.

I can go three ways on this:

1.) Make a couple of sarcastic comments and forget this post ever happened until it comes time to discuss my per diem for road games with my boss. (Aside: Though I doubt that the "So I can eat healthier on the road" excuse with get me very far in asking for an increase. One of the perils of working with the same people for 10 years.)

2.) Make a half-hearted attempt two days before Christmas at being serious about it on a blog post that will get buried.

3.) Actually do a little research into the subject and dedicate a Mehring Monday to the topic early in the New Year.

Now, since I am a lazy person who only gets an adrenaline rush when dealing with a deadline, I am always looking to put things off to the last possible minute. I choose Option #3.

I know that there is a healthy eating guide from Jake Marx, the strength and conditioning coach of the Rattlers in 2009, around here somewhere...I wasn't planning on following it, mind you. It was for entertainment purposes.

Once I find it, I'll put a column together. Maybe the first one of 2010...but more likely the second...definitely by the third.

There. I've given you something to look forward to in the New Year.

Eating right

Duk over at Big League Stew has a post that points elsewhere on the eating scale after the news about The Beast.

That post over at BLS has a link to a Wall Street Journal article that covers healthy eating in baseball in about the way that you would expect the Wall Street Journal to cover healthy eating in baseball:

Baseball's War Against Hamburgers
As Players Get Health Conscious, Teams Banish Clubhouse Junk Food; Edamame Anyone?

The doughnuts, fried chicken and candy bars that have long populated baseball's clubhouses—where players eat the majority of their meals—are being banished.

The Los Angeles Dodgers will ship their players to Arizona next week for a six-day health-food boot camp. The Kansas City Royals are planning to put up posters in the clubhouse offering nutritional advice. And the Philadelphia Phillies and Tampa Bay Rays both say they're experimenting with the idea of preparing foods for the players that are rich in antioxidant grains like quinoa, teff and spelt.

At baseball's just-concluded winter meetings in Indianapolis, major and minor league strength and conditioning coaches devoted 12 hours on Saturday—about half of their total meeting time—to discussing matters such as including edamame and snow peas in the postgame buffet to whether teams should order "fun size" candy bars rather than the odious regular-sized variety.

"There's nothing wrong with a Reese's peanut butter cup every now and then," says Perry Castellano, the Minnesota Twins' strength and conditioning coordinator. "The issue is when somebody eats eight at a time."

This may seem like another case of paternalistic owners and team executives trying to maximize their multimillion-dollar payrolls. But in many cases, it's the players who are demanding healthier options: This past season, six members of the Los Angeles Angels approached the team's dietician, without prompting, to ask her to write them "food plans" to improve their diets. Heath Bell, a relief pitcher for the San Diego Padres, says he gets irritated on the road when teams set out buckets of cookies in the clubhouse while leaving the fruit and vegetables tucked away in refrigerators in side rooms. When teams do put fruit out, he says, they often don't even bother to clean or cut it. "If the fruit is out and set up well, I'll eat it," Mr. Bell says. "But if the cookies are there, I'm taking them. That's my downfall."

Awesome Del Amitri song, by the way.

Back to the story with something two things that might put you off your breakfast.

The baseball season doesn't do many favors for healthy eaters. Since games are mostly played at night, players generally eat late, go to bed late, sleep late and arrive at the ballpark in the early afternoon—sometimes before eating lunch. The players' Collective Bargaining Agreement actually requires that they receive $89.50 a day in meal money when the team is on the road, but many players pocket the money in favor of eating for free at the clubhouse. With 162 games per season, the volume of junk can add up in a hurry.

For decades, the clubhouse menu paid little attention to nutrition. Staples included steak, french fries, omelettes, bacon, and at least one gigantic tub of ice cream. In the 1930s, the Chicago Cubs served their players chipped beef for breakfast.

$89.50 a day????

Chipped beef for breakfast???

Where is that WSJ coverage...Oh, here it is.

One of the reasons junk food is so popular in baseball is because it's cheap. Cynthia Sass, a nutritionist for the Rays and Phillies, says organic foods cost up to 50% more than their regular counterparts. "It's a costly jump for teams to invest in good food," says the Padres' Mr. Malone.

My feelings on this move to healthy eating...which is embraced by the brewers at the minor league level, by the way...go ahead. More of the good-tasting stuff for me!

Another one? Yes. Another one

Ben Hill has this monster...or Beast...if you will.

I would like to draw everyone's attention to the blog of CNBC sports business reporter Darren Rovell. Specifically, Rovell wrote today about an attention-getting concession item that will be served up next season by the Gateway Grizzlies of the independent Frontier League.

It's called "The Beast", and it's 15 burgers stacked atop one another.

There is a picture in the article that I will not show here. It looks like -- oh, I don't know -- if Jenga were made out of hamburgers.

Only posting this to reference one of my favorite movies

Brewers’ Braun to open restaurant in Lake Geneva

Milwaukee Brewers outfielder Ryan Braun is part of an ownership group that is opening a fine-dining restaurant in Lake Geneva.

The Ryan Braun Tavern and Grill will be open in late November or early 2010 in an existing restaurant space that is being extensively renovated, said Nez Balelo, Braun’s Los Angeles-based agent. Balelo declined to disclose how much Braun is investing in the project, saying he is part of a group that includes several business executives from Chicago and Lake Geneva.

I only have advice to pass along from a great movie that I make sure to watch at least once a year during the season.

The Duke: What are you doing?

Jack: What am I doin'? Arithmetic.

The Duke: Arithmetic? Maybe I can help you. I am an accountant.

Jack: I was thinkin', after I turn your ass in and collect my money...I'm gonna open up a coffee shop.

The Duke: How much are you getting for me?

Jack: That's not any of your concern. But I'll tell you just to tell you. A hundred thousand.

The Duke: A hundred thousand? Would you take a hundred thousand to let me go?

Jack: Not by a long shot.

The Duke: Two-hundred thousand?

Jack: I never took a payoff in my life, and I won't start with someone like you.

The Duke: Why not?

Jack: Because you're a [redacted] criminal. You deserve to go where you're goin', and I'm gonna take you there. If I hear any more [censored] out of you, I'm gonna bust your head...put you back in that [redacted] hole...and I'm gonna stick your head in the toilet bowl and make it stay there.

The Duke: I have to tell you, a restaurant is a very tricky investment. More than half of them go under within the first six months. If I were your accountant, I'd strongly advise you against it.

Jack: You would? You're not my accountant.

The Duke: No, if I were your accountant...

Jack: I told you, I took you out here...

The Duke: No, I'm just saying that it's a very tricky business...and if I were your accountant, I would strongly advise you against it...as an accountant.

Jack: You're not my accountant.

The Duke: I realize I'm not your accountant. I'm saying, if I were your accountant.

That last part translates better in the first 40 seconds of this clip...

Whitecaps in the spotlight....again

Man vs. Food's Adam Richman was in West Michigan last night. What do you think he was there to do?

Considering Adam Richman, host of the Travel Channel's "Man v. Food" show, didn't sit down in Fifth Third Ballpark's competition area Wednesday night until the middle of the eighth inning to dig into the Fifth Third Burger, eating the 4-pound sandwich in a record 17 minutes or faster seemed out of the question.

And consuming the nearly 4,800 calories and 300 grams of fat before the end of the West Michigan Whitecaps game -- the only way to officially join the club of those who completed the feat and received a Fifth Third Burger shirt -- didn't seem likely, either.

But Richman, known for his ability to eat large quantities of foods across the U.S., completed the task in a made-for-television-performance of 27 minutes, waving and talking to the crowd that had crammed into every possible spot along the third-base concourse to get a glimpse.

The crowd cheered before Richman sat down, shouted such things as "Eat that meat" and "Man up" while he ate and let out a huge roar when Richman, who emphasized it wasn't man vs. time but man vs. food, took his last bit.

Is that supposed to be his last bite?...asked the guy who made so many mistakes on yesterday's Game Notes post it was heartbreakingly funny...

This may be giving away the ending, but it's worth it:

He celebrated by circling the crowd, slapping high-fives and kissing three spectators.

I hope this video shows up on this post...

'Man v. Food' takes on Fifth Third Burger

It did! I don't know why there is all of that space, but it's there.

Fun fact from the article: It's the Travel Channel's policy to not speak with the media.

Why not?

'Man vs. Food' host Adam Richman will attend Whitecaps game to tackle Fifth Third Burger

The West Michigan Whitecaps' Fifth Third Burger, which has drawn worldwide attention, will be featured on the Travel Channel's "Man vs. Food."

The show's host, Adam Richman, will attend the Whitecaps' July 15 game at Fifth Third Ballpark against the Peoria Chiefs to shoot an episode of eating the Fifth Third Burger that will be aired at a later date.

Mickey Graham, the Whitecaps' director of marketing and media relations, said he thinks Richman might try to break the record of eating a Fifth Third Burger, which is 17 minutes.

Read on at the link and see video of Mr. Richman in action.

This reminds me. Travel Channel needs to bring Three Sheets back to the airwaves.

SEVENTEEN?!?!?!?!

Giant Fifth Third Burger served up at Whitecaps opener; 17 manage to eat the whole thing

"It's intriguing," said Jim Saunders, 52, of Plainfield Township, as he snapped a cell phone picture Thursday of some guy he doesn't know devouring the 4,889-calorie colossus during the West Michigan Whitecaps home opener.

That guy, 44-year-old Bob Kinney, of Grand Rapids managed to polish off every last gooey gob of the mammoth sandwich to earn a T-shirt with nutritional information on the back.

Dozens of curious onlookers crowded around two burger challenge picnic tables at Fifth Third Ballpark to watch...

Challenge Picnic Tables? I think that idea is even better than the Burger itself.

Video at the link.

Quietly and with little Fanfare

The Clinton LumberKings are a topic in a column by John Carlson of the Des Moines Register today. The open...

Finally, the official end to a rugged winter.

It's time for the crack of the bat. The fastball popping the catcher's mitt. The perfectly executed double play. A game that, according to the rules, could continue forever. The first pitch of the season is so close — mere hours away — you can smell the hot dogs, popcorn and warm peanuts.

Naturally, some busybodies are trying to wreck it.

No, they're not trying to outlaw the hanging curve, although I know some Cubs fans who think that would be a pretty good idea.

I'm referring to a doctors' organization in Washington, D.C., whose members spend their time trying to keep the rest of us from eating what we like. They now have announced disapproval with one of the newest and most interesting food items being shoveled onto platters anywhere.

That would be the oft-posted upon Fifth Third Burger. However, the point Mr. Carlson would like to make is that the LumberKings were light-years ahead of the rest of the Midwest League in unhealthy food technology.

"That Michigan burger is getting all the pub" (meaning publicity), said Nate Kreinbrink, assistant general manager of the LumberKings. "I think we have them beat."

I have known about -- and I will freely admit before this committee that I have eaten it more than once -- this item for years. The humble people of Clinton never thought to pub it though.

So, how did Mr. Carlson pick up on it? By talking with former Battle Creek inmate...I mean front office member Scott Sailor. Scott is currently in the Iowa Cubs front office. They are located in Des Moines...Geez, do I have to do one of the conspiracy walls like Charlie Crews has on Life?

The I-Cubs have a comprehensive, but rather traditional menu. It's not likely to change.

"It's successful," Sailor said, referring to the normal-sized hot dogs and brats, normal-sized burgers and other normal-sized items. "Our fans like it."

Then he directed me to the kitchens of Clinton's ballpark, on the banks of the Mississippi River and the famous — possibly soon-to-be-infamous — "Garbage Pail."

Garbage Pail...Let that roll around in your brain and your taste buds for a moment. Okay. Continue...

What it is, well, it's pretty much an assortment of every fried food we serve," Kreinbrink said. "It's very popular. It has seasoned fries, chicken strips, cheese balls, onion rings, mini tacos and jalapeno poppers."

Anything else?

"Oh, yes, there is," he said. "I forgot the mini corn dogs."

You had me at cheese balls.

Two or three of each delightful selection is placed in what Kreinbrink calls a 5-pound food boat. Some people pour salsa all over everything. Others choose ranch dressing, barbecue sauce, ketchup or mustard. Or any or all of the above. He compares it to the sampler platter at a fine restaurant.

So the next time you go out to that fancy French or Italian restaurant, just ask for the Garbage Pail.

"It's our signature dish," he said. "It was on the menu when I got here seven years ago. We sell hundreds of them on a busy night at the ballpark. It's a heck of a deal."

As I said, light years ahead of the rest of the league in unhealthy food technology.

Look at me! Look at me!

That's is exactly what I thought when I saw this item.

Susan Levin, a staff dietitian for the Washington-based Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine, sent a letter to the Grand Rapids minor-league team on Tuesday. She's asking that the 4,800-calorie burger be labeled a "dietary disaster" that increases the risk of cancer and heart disease.

Physicians Committee for Responsible Medicine is a vegan advocacy group or something. No link because they are already getting more attention than they deserve.

My thoughts...with bullet points to make it seem more thoughtful:

• Does something like the Fifth Third Burger really need a warning label? I'm an adult and I know exactly what I am getting into by ordering one.

• I'm not trying to convert Vegans to become Carnivores who eat yummy, delicious, grilled animals. I don't think you're going to convince me with press releases, direct action, or, well, anything to tell the absolute truth.
  

• Are there anymore Famous Dave's ribs or BBQ chicked in the conference room? Lunch was catered in today.
  

Fifth Third Burger, a review!

Darren Rovell received the ingredients for the Fifth Third Burger from the Whitecaps. Then, he assembled it. Then, he ate it in front of Jim Cramer and I believe Erin Burnett. Then, he gave a review, in which he LIES! LIES! LIES!



He did not eat the Fifth Third Burger! He tasted it! Big difference. That makes me technically correct. And if Futurama taught me anything, technically correct is the best kind of correct.

Sorry about all the whitespace above the video. It came with the embed code....That's what see said!

Video Evidence

Previously, there had been only photographs and descriptions. But, now...courtesy of The Grand Rapids Press...video evidence of a Fifth Third Burger and how it is built.

I'm hungry.


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A life of its own

The Fifth Third Burger is getting the Whitecaps some publicity. And Ben Hill is there to stoke the fires!

Over the past 36 hours, the West Michigan Whitecaps' Fifth Third Burger has morphed from a local curiosity into a nationwide phenomenon. It just goes to show -- no country appreciates a giant sandwich as much as America.

Yes. I am proud to be an American! And I mean that in an non-ironic way.

Now, as a conscientious journalist, I hate to inject myself into the story. But it must be done in this case, because what happened next is this: On March 11, after being alerted to the Fifth Third burger's existence, I contacted the Whitecaps and asked for photographic evidence. Promotions coordinator Brian Oropallo sent along a picture, which I featured in Ben's Biz Blog.

That would have been it, except that CNBC sports business reporter (and fellow blogger) Darren Rovell noticed the post and decided to take things a step further. He obtained nutritional information about the burger and went on to brazenly declare it the "Minor League Concession Item of the Year."

This was the start of a truly remarkable chain reaction, as the burger has now been featured throughout the national media. Due to the efforts of media behemoths such as ESPN, Sports Illustrated and the Associated Press (as well as innumerable blogs, message boards and radio stations) the Fifth Third Burger turned into an overnight sensation. The Whitecaps are happy to be the recipients of so much attention, but it certainly wasn't anything they ever expected.

Ahem!

ESPN? Really? I don't believe that. Show me.

Anyway...The the most important question I have has been answered!

[T]he Whitecaps will award a commemorative t-shirt to any fan that is able to do so. The front of the shirt features a huge photo of the Fifth Third Burger, while the back proudly lists its nutritional information.

That is going to look so sweet in my T-Shirt closet.

I think I'll weigh 350 by the end of the season.

if they keep going at this rate.

First, there's the Fifth Third Burger in West Michigan. Coverage of which, by the way, has gone national. Just remember who was one of the first to have it...way back on February 1.

Now...Skyline Chili at Fifth Third Field in Dayton.

There’s nothing like a cold beer and a hot dog at a baseball game. Unless you are able to top the hot dog with Skyline Chili and cheese, which fans will be able to do this season at Dayton’s Fifth Third Field.

Alan Riney, vice president of marketing for Skyline Chili, said there will be a stand along the first base side of the field serving up Cincinnati-style cheese coneys.

“We were looking for an opportunity to become more of a core part of the fabric of Dayton,” Riney said.

Maybe 375. Hey. Everyone's gotta have a goal.

I'm getting that T-Shirt

Darren Rovell has a blog post about my White Whale. He went and upped the ante by calling it his Minor League Concession Item of the Year and added that it is the most caloric item ever offered at a ballpark...whatever that means.

The team says it feeds one to four people and sells for $20, and if a person finishes the Fifth Third Burger in one sitting, the team will offer up a Fifth Third Burger T-shirt.

Mickey Graham, the team's director of marketing and media relations, told us that they came up with this burger because it's something fun that people can understand.

Oh, I understand. I understand that it's going down.

The Whitecaps had better understand that my T-shirt size is XXL.

Oh, and this is supposed to scare me?!?!?!

Fifth Third Burger Nutritional Value

		DAILY VALUE
Calorie	4889	244%
Total Fat	299g	460%
Sat. Fat	199g	597%
Cholesterol	744mg	248%
Sodium	10,887mg	454%
Total Carbs	354g	118%
Protein	198g	105%

Game on.

Oh, this is SO on...

Back when I first blogged about this, it was just a dream. You could only whisper it. Anything more than a whisper and it would vanish... it was so fragile*.

But, thanks to Ben Hill of Ben's Biz Blog pointing out this news item from the West Michigan Whitecaps, I now have a goal.


Look out Fifth Third Burger. You and me are gonna dance.

*Not a real Marcus Aurelius Quote. That's from Gladiator. Here are a couple of quotes from the Roman Emperor/Philosopher that are a bit more appropriate to this situation:

A man's worth is no greater than his ambitions.

A noble man compares and estimates himself by an idea which is higher than himself; and a mean man, by one lower than himself. The one produces aspiration; the other ambition, which is the way in which a vulgar man aspires.

I guess this means my worth is 5/3 pounds of grilled hamburger topped with lettuce, tomato, nacho cheese, chili, salsa and crunched tortilla chips. AND, I might add, an 8" sesame seed bun. BUT, there is no pickle and no spam as originally intended. I guess that's okay.

Not sure if this makes me noble or mean. I'll let you know during the Timber Rattler visit to West Michigan May 29-31.

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Who wants pizza?!

If you are at a Timber Rattler game this season and want a pizza, you'll be getting the best.

The Wisconsin Timber Rattlers are excited to announce a new partnership that makes Palermo's Pizza the official pizza of Time Warner Cable Field.

Palermo's is also the presenting sponsor of Fan Fest on April 7. Details on that will follow.

I felt this belonged at the top...

Readership isn't the greatest on the weekend, so for the complete story on this:

Either scroll down to the last post from Sunday or click here.

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